It sucks that Ive come so close and just stopped. so many negative things being pushed back and forth in my mind.
....but you know what... Ive got a hand covering over me... Ive got my family backing me up. and the best friends that will never just watch me go down. Its so comforting to know that in my weakest moments... I dont have to get up alone any more... Ive got some things around to hold on to. some things that may leave for a moment...and may be gone when they need to be... but will always be back. Im getting better.
Gods not done yet.

This is my game plan:
Coffee run
Food run
clean my room
laundry
church?
chillin!
Movies with faith and karisma!...what will we see? who knows.
anyway. I need to spend more time with my family. I said they dont understand me... and I was wrong. they do. They just fake a lot. My family has pulled it together so much and they notice everything I go through. and thats the best ever. I hate that I ever doubted them.
My uncle and I had the best talk today. and we arent going up there for new years! which is exciting but not at the same time. I love snow. anyway. I love my family. and they love me. and im not alone... im really not. and I came home to a letter on my bed...telling me that they love me...and im not alone..and they support me...and all of them signed it. I sat there and cried.
I spend so much time away from home and my family trying to forget how alone i feel sometimes.  I love my family. and I missed my uncle. ...Im so glad hes home. and he opened up to me. and he gave me a hug......and i though someone else gave good hugs...psh. I LOVE my uncles hugs. anyway. Im so glad he was here. hes gone now. but he will be back on thursday. and hopefully with the range rover. cross our fingers!!! ptl.
he promised me this is going to be the best year for me.. and he said i had to fall on my face cause if he would have said something to me it would have taken away from the experience. and now he knows i will never get back to that point again. not because he said something to me about it,....and he told me. but because i learned for myself.
so yea. about this year being my best... I know. Ive already been told. time and time again. and its going to be great! ....but God... how do i start it? what do i do on the 1st. tell me where to go. please. I want to be on my face.